Fear, uncertainty. (07/17/2006)

What is GSTI all about? Frustration. This is the only word I heard in the workshop on Monday afternoon.
I should have known that. If I have any achievement in GSTI, that would be because I have survived from the torture.
After thses two-week class, I gradually understand how incompetent I am, in terms of pursuing translating skills and interpreting skills. I know they are not easy tasks. Unfornately, I can't see that I am doing better than I was two weeks ago. I have seen so many people ahead of me. I feel that I am far far behind. All those fears are in front of me. Am I able to get rid of it? There are so many questions and doubts in my head. I know what I have to do. But will be able to reach the destiny?
All these days, I have heard the stories from seniors, saying how much they have to do to make themselves be on the right track. When I look at them, I see great success; when I look at myself, I see uncertain future. I know what I should do. Yet, to do is one things, to do is another. Hard task. Difficult life. Uncertain future.

First Week of EPTI

This is the first week of EPTI, which means no strolling on the street, no sleeping late, and no many other things. It is, honestly, a organized course. I can tell the track that the coordinators do try hard to put every useful information together. At first, I found myself not being able to speak up. It's not that I don't want to, or I don't know how to. My problem is that I have no material to say. Sometimes I get nevvous of thinking about speaking to other people. It is unusual to me. I have the language, most of the time, and I don't usually get nervous when I speak to others. Why? Why did such nervousness strike me? This is not a good thing if I really want to survive through the program. Should I say I'm lucky that I somehow found way small way out. I can't say I have totally overcome the problem, but, at least, I'm feeling a progress. Yet, still, I have to remind myself that making mistakes in class is not something to be ashamed of. It is the nature of the class--tolerating people's mistakes, even if they look really stupid. The good thing about this program is that I did get to know a lot of people from different countries and culture. This is really good since I really have to use lots of English to make everyone in the conversation understand my statement. I can't remember if there's any time in my life that English is most frequently used.
Will I survive through the program? I know what my expectation is, and I know there's a to-do list. It's not just about ability. Adjusment of my attitude and mindset probably takes more efforts.
Wish me luck!

Life in Monterey

Time really flies. It has been more than a week since I got here. Everything is so different here. This is for sure a whole new experience. Ever since I got here, I finally realize the limited English ability that I have. I can't talk right. I can't hear right. Everything that used to be easy now frustrates me since I just can't get it right. It feels bad that I have to rely on someone else. I hope everything will be better. Last Saturday, Mom's friends, Uncle Leon and his girlfriend Amy, helped us to move. It took us some time and effort to move all our stuff to our place. They also took us the Fisherman's Wharf. We had a great meal. That was perhaps the best meal we had ever since we got here. The soup, man, is amazingly great! Unfortunately, it's too expensive and too far. Otherwise, I really want to have one cup of it every single day. Uncle Leon and Amy treated us really nice. They spent their whole afternoon with us, taking us to Target. We finally bought our comforter, and we didn't have to worry about being chilled in the mid of the night. Yet, it was at the moment that I felt the difference between two culture and the difficulty of living in an completely different country. I couln't even understand what kind of sheets I should buy. And it's really strange. Americans only have the so-called flat sheet. They don't have the cover for the comforter. How weired was that! After we got home, we officially started unpacking. Yet, we couldn't do much since we were still lack of lots of necessary furnitures, desks, chairs, drawers in the closet, etc. It sounds a lot, and it is a lot. Thanks for David's help, we were able to get most of the stuff yesterday. Unfortunately, Vaness didn't get what she wanted since there was only one desk and one chair left at Target. I put most of the things together and I have a desk, a chair and a small storage closet now. Well, that's how it works in the States. You want it, it takes efforts to get it. Anyway, it's really hard to live a different country, especially when you are not here just for fun. This is a challenge. Can I do it? I hope so. I should make it fun and challanging. Well, it is fun in someway. You can always expect more surprises here. Like now, I'm watching the fireworks of July 4th, the National Day of the States, through the window of my room. Splendid. Wish me luck, everyone. Wish me the best luck to survive through everything.