Live the Way I Am（10/30/2006）

Love is never easy, and people can't alwayws get what they want.
What do I want? I want to be loved. It's an easy, and a difficult answer. It's alwayws that easy to "expect" to be loved, but it can never be an easy task to find someone who actually love the way you are.
Twice. I have been in the dilema twice. Though I don't know the result of the second one yet, I'm expecting the worst. I do like him. So? He told me he likes me. So? Things keep changing, and it's not in my hand. I can't even give him my trust.
Maybe it's better not to get invovled in love. I'm tired of worrying about this and that. Even though I do care, I don't want to show too much of my concern. I have learned to apethetic. Yet it's still difficult. I wan to give up. I want to live an easy life in which I don't have to worry about losing things I care. The best way to be hurt by losing something you care is not to care about something. That's pathetic, but it's ture.
I'm not sure how much longer I can stick to it. Maybe it's time to stop. I have all those expectations in my head, but somehow I know none of them will become reality.

Compition?（09/10/2006）

Good friends can be come enemies. I now start to know why.

This is merely the beginning of the semester. A classmate decides to drop the school. For the rest, I can feel the competition around. Deliberate silence for any latest news. Talk few to each other about school work. No sharing of information. Everyone seems secretly hope others would fall far far behind at the beginning. This is not encouraing. It's scarry.

Is this supposed to happen when it comes to comparing from one another? Do people really have to fight against each other when they are heading towards the same direction? Do they really have to expect others falling behind? I thought classmates are on the same boat. I thought classmate should help each other whenever they can. Is it only my imagination or it's actually happening?

So far, the schoolwork is challenging, but not disappointing. The heart is. The atmosphere is. Hope things will get better and better. Or I should secretly hope I can get away from this as soon as possible.

Field Trip to the Court(08/10/2006)

I've never thought that I would see real criminals in life. I knew them from TV, and that's it. Today, when they were actually in front of me. That was a major shock. It was not because I was afraid of them. Well, they were all handcuffed. But the scene was so striking when I saw a group of people in prison clothes walking in front of me. I didn't feel comfortable of looking at them. It was odd. Really odd.

We were assgined to go to a felony court. I saw the judge, baliffs, prisoners, stenographer, attorneys, etc. I heard the baliff saying, "All rise." It was so much like movie scenes, but it's not. It's real life going on. Prisoners got handcuffed. Families cried for the arrested. Probated people were under arrested in the court! Stories like "threatening his wife, yelling that he's going to kill her" actually happened.

It is to my dicovery that most of the felonies were Hispanic people. Some of them don't speak English. It's really hard to imagine how someone can live in a foreign country without knowing the language. But it was kind of sad to see the fact that some Hispanic people are marginalized, no matter what the reason was.

After the trial (it wasn't even a trial. The judge merely arrange the time for the pre-trial and hearings.), I was put in the witness stand. I was going to testify a domestic violence. I was asked why I was in the hospital, why I was pictured bruises. I was trying to cover for that guy, but I knew I failed. Of course, that was only stimulation. River was my interpreter, and she did well. That was strange, though. I could understand everything Joe, the professor, said. Yet, I had to pretend that I could only speak Mandarin. Somehow, I still got nervous, even if I don't have to do any interpretation. That was really helpful for us to know what a court interpreter should do. It was difficult, for sure. Imagine myself being a court interpreter, I guess the most difficult part will be not being able to say something you know that's going to leave impact on the trial.

Will I think about being a court interpreter? I guess I will still give it a try, if possible. It may be cruel to get used to the reality happening in the court, but it will not be a bad thing to do what I can do for them.

Baseball Game in Monterey (08/07/2006)

I have been to baseball park to watch baseball game for quite some time. When I saw the poster on Classified, I knew I should be going. I thought no one was going to be interested in the game. Luckily, I wasn't the only one who was exciting to watch real baseball games.

It's Bronco Baseball League for youth. I think it's for kids around 12 years old. Cricia and I went to Jack's Park first. It cost each one of us $8. The baseball park is rather small, definitely not fancy. But it was so overwhelming when I saw our national flags was blowing in the wind.

Everyone was so exciting about the game. Small national flags were given away. Even foreigners had our national flags in their hand, waving and cheering for us. Some of them might not even know what we were yelling about, but they joined us, anyway.

Circia and I were so much annoyed and afraid of the sunshine since we felt like being melted and getting darker. But I supposed it was good for the players since they were so much got used to it.

The game was rather exciting. Of course, part of the reason was their good performance. Yet, after all, they didn't have mature skills. They missed from time to time. Should I say that's bad? Not really. It made the game even more exciting. Jasmine and Cammy, later joined us, Cricia and I kept screaming all the way down to the end. That was really good since I haven't really shouted out for something for quite some time. And it's even better to see Taiwan won the international game, even if it's only games.

We won, of course. When prizes were given to Puerto Rico, Jasmine, Cammy and Cricia shouted, "Turn around." to the players. They did. So I took this picture.

It was a pity that Taiwan did not win the the championship at the end. But it was okay. Those kid players did great! At least they gave me a happy memory in Monterey!

Fear, uncertainty. (07/17/2006)

What is GSTI all about? Frustration. This is the only word I heard in the workshop on Monday afternoon.
I should have known that. If I have any achievement in GSTI, that would be because I have survived from the torture.
After thses two-week class, I gradually understand how incompetent I am, in terms of pursuing translating skills and interpreting skills. I know they are not easy tasks. Unfornately, I can't see that I am doing better than I was two weeks ago. I have seen so many people ahead of me. I feel that I am far far behind. All those fears are in front of me. Am I able to get rid of it? There are so many questions and doubts in my head. I know what I have to do. But will be able to reach the destiny?
All these days, I have heard the stories from seniors, saying how much they have to do to make themselves be on the right track. When I look at them, I see great success; when I look at myself, I see uncertain future. I know what I should do. Yet, to do is one things, to do is another. Hard task. Difficult life. Uncertain future.

First Week of EPTI

This is the first week of EPTI, which means no strolling on the street, no sleeping late, and no many other things. It is, honestly, a organized course. I can tell the track that the coordinators do try hard to put every useful information together. At first, I found myself not being able to speak up. It's not that I don't want to, or I don't know how to. My problem is that I have no material to say. Sometimes I get nevvous of thinking about speaking to other people. It is unusual to me. I have the language, most of the time, and I don't usually get nervous when I speak to others. Why? Why did such nervousness strike me? This is not a good thing if I really want to survive through the program. Should I say I'm lucky that I somehow found way small way out. I can't say I have totally overcome the problem, but, at least, I'm feeling a progress. Yet, still, I have to remind myself that making mistakes in class is not something to be ashamed of. It is the nature of the class--tolerating people's mistakes, even if they look really stupid. The good thing about this program is that I did get to know a lot of people from different countries and culture. This is really good since I really have to use lots of English to make everyone in the conversation understand my statement. I can't remember if there's any time in my life that English is most frequently used.
Will I survive through the program? I know what my expectation is, and I know there's a to-do list. It's not just about ability. Adjusment of my attitude and mindset probably takes more efforts.
Wish me luck!

Life in Monterey

Time really flies. It has been more than a week since I got here. Everything is so different here. This is for sure a whole new experience. Ever since I got here, I finally realize the limited English ability that I have. I can't talk right. I can't hear right. Everything that used to be easy now frustrates me since I just can't get it right. It feels bad that I have to rely on someone else. I hope everything will be better. Last Saturday, Mom's friends, Uncle Leon and his girlfriend Amy, helped us to move. It took us some time and effort to move all our stuff to our place. They also took us the Fisherman's Wharf. We had a great meal. That was perhaps the best meal we had ever since we got here. The soup, man, is amazingly great! Unfortunately, it's too expensive and too far. Otherwise, I really want to have one cup of it every single day. Uncle Leon and Amy treated us really nice. They spent their whole afternoon with us, taking us to Target. We finally bought our comforter, and we didn't have to worry about being chilled in the mid of the night. Yet, it was at the moment that I felt the difference between two culture and the difficulty of living in an completely different country. I couln't even understand what kind of sheets I should buy. And it's really strange. Americans only have the so-called flat sheet. They don't have the cover for the comforter. How weired was that! After we got home, we officially started unpacking. Yet, we couldn't do much since we were still lack of lots of necessary furnitures, desks, chairs, drawers in the closet, etc. It sounds a lot, and it is a lot. Thanks for David's help, we were able to get most of the stuff yesterday. Unfortunately, Vaness didn't get what she wanted since there was only one desk and one chair left at Target. I put most of the things together and I have a desk, a chair and a small storage closet now. Well, that's how it works in the States. You want it, it takes efforts to get it. Anyway, it's really hard to live a different country, especially when you are not here just for fun. This is a challenge. Can I do it? I hope so. I should make it fun and challanging. Well, it is fun in someway. You can always expect more surprises here. Like now, I'm watching the fireworks of July 4th, the National Day of the States, through the window of my room. Splendid. Wish me luck, everyone. Wish me the best luck to survive through everything.

Del Monte Beach (06/24/2006)

Saturday. There's nothing we can do about the house on Saturday. So Vanessa and I decided to go for a stroll along Del Monte Avenue. We wanted to enjoy a day of being tourists.
We took a little walk along the road. Trees were standing along the road. The sunshine was a bit harsh to our eyes, but the weather was fine and comfortable. As we walked along the road, we saw kids, parents, grand parents gathering together, enjoying their family time. It was different from the life style in Taiwan. Family time is like part of their life. It was not surprised to see people riding bicycle, jogging, and taking a stroll as we did. Monterey is definitely an easy-going place.

After 20 minutes walk, a beach lying in front of us. Beautiful sky, blue sea, breeze, what anyone could expect more if there's such a view in front of you. We saw people coming back from the sea after their scuba diving. It was kind of cool. Some poeple were playing volleyball. A stranger rode a bicycle saying, "Give me five." So I did. And do you know why lots of foreigners do not have the problem of car sick? See the following next two pictures, and you know the answer. We took some pictures, and it felt good to be a tourist. I love to be a tourist. Why not? Just feel what I feel, do what I want to do.

I guess it may be a little bit boring to spend my two years here. But it should be a lot of fun taking a look at all the scenes and enjoying the greeting from strangers.

The First Day at Monterey (06/23/2006 US)

This is a small town with beautiful and extraordinary views. Mountains, lakes, sea, you can see them all right here in this small town. What you can expect from this small place is friendly smile and greetings from people you don't know. A "hi" from strangers maybe queer in Taiwan, but it is not unusual to hear the word coming out.
Perhpas it was because of the jet lag, I woke up early. Fortunately, I didn't feel that tired as I thought I might be.
Vanessa and I decided to go to downtown to see if we can find the place for us to stay for the next coming year. Of course, we did make a survey on the Internet. Nothing useful came out, though. But we felt that going to downtown to take a look was definitely necessary for newcomers like us. We looked for information of buses to downtown Monterey. We thought the place we stayed was far away from bus stop, but it was really close and convenient. It didn't take us much time to walk to the bus stop, and the bus came within five minutes. As we were trying to make sure if that was the right place to take a bus, a man came over and told us the bus should come here within five minutes. Few minutes later, he asked us if we had any change. He didn't check if he had enough change for the ticket. Without second thought, we searched for change in our purse. Vanessa gave him $20 change. But a bad hunch caught her. Why did he have no change for bus fare if he knew he was going to take a bus? It was not that unusual to me, but Vanessa felt a bit odd about this. So we decided to go to the bank, just to make sure if the bill was genuine. Luckily, it was. I don't think we were too worried. One can never be too cautious when he is a total stanger of the place.
With a map in hand, we looked around place for rent. We went to agents, but nothing worked out for us. They had nothing furnished, cheap enough, and at great location. After searching for an afternoon, we had a clearer picture of the town. It's rather small. Though we did not find anything, but at least we were able to take a really close look at the town. That's one benefit, I guess.

Heading to US (06/22/2006 TW)

This is my first time going to US, my very first time. Will I miss my family and friends in Taiwan? Of course. Yet, excitement overhelms me. Not much sadness comes over me before the trip.
I was lucky having Vanessa travel with me throughout the trip and for the next coming year. We planned everything together. Things were a lot easier with her. But I have to confess. I was lazy. I got my second luggage two days before the flight. You can easily imagine how I "took my time" preparing everything. On the very last day in Taiwan, I stayed up to get my all the stuff done. I didn't not go to bed until 3:00 AM, and I had to get up at around 5:00 AM since I had to arrive at the CKS Airport two hours before the boarding time.
As it was scheduled, I got up at around 5:00, feeling sleepy, of course. Somehow I even felt a bit dizziness because of the not enough sleep. I secretly prayed that it wouldn't be a difficult trip. My parents took me to the airport. Vanessa and her parents few minutes after we arrived at the airport at 6:45 P.M. We, then, lined up for check-in. Not many people was in the line. Before getting to the airport, we had physically and mentally prepared that we would be fined for our overweight luggages. One of my luggages was a bit over 32 KG, and the other one was under 32KG. Both of Vanessa's luggages were over 32 KG. Luckily, the lady who helped us to check-in gave us a break. We were fined $25 dollars for each overweight luggage. Later, I got my membership of UA.
My parents, Vanessa's parents, Vanessa and I stood in front of the gate talked for a while. At this moment, not much sadness came over me. After we went through the gate, I finally realized, "Okay, this is it. I have to rely on myself for the coming two years." Frighteness? A little. Maybe it is the expectation from my parents and myself that gave me the pressure.
Duty free shops was our first priority when we were at the aiport. But both of us didn't buy anything. Should I say that's a pity? Ha! Honestly, the price in duty free shops was not as cheap as we expected it would be. So the big-shopping plan was suspended. We expected something cheaper at the international airport at Nagoya.
Boarding time. Yes. It's the moment. Vanessa and I finally got on the airplane, UA 830, carrying us and our dreams and future.
The flight was okay. I took some sleep and Vanessa did, too. The meal was better than we expected. The service? Well, it really depends. I wouldn't say the service was bad. However, compare with other Asian airlines, it was not that "customers are always everything." But it was good enough for me. I got everything I needed.
Few hours after taking off, we arrived at the international airport of Nagoya. What could women do when they have some extra time at the airport? Shopping, shopping and shopping. So we went to the duty free shops again. It was not so temptating as we wanted it to be. Not even single bill was gone for anything, for me. That was some kind of achievement, wasn't it?
The second part of the flight was about ten hours, I'm not sure. It was not that tired, perhaps because of the repeated movies and because of the companion from Vanessa. We didn't do much except sleeping, watching movies, having little chat, going to the ladies room, and, most important of all, eating. Drinks, meals kept served. I felt I was a pig to be fed. At least, that made the trip easier.
After few hours of flight, we finally arrived at San Francisco. It took us a lot of effort to get our baggages. Putting them on the carter and on the carousel, back and forth, that was killing us. We became superwomen after the training. Vincent, Vanessa's friend, picked us at the SFO. He even prepared a poster with our name on it. =___=" But he is really a nice person. He took us around, providing as much assistance as he could. We had our lunch in the city that Vincent used to stay. He helped us to open our account and took us to do geocery shopping. He was really a good helper.
This is my trip to Monterey. What will my days be at Monterey? I don't know. But I'm sure it would be quite an advanture.